On Meditation
Written by Amira Maxwell || August 23rd, 2021.
Last week, I said that we can minimize the discouraging impact that our habitual reactions have on us. I said we can do this by seeing things clearly and exactly as they truly are. The idea is that we want to pierce through the haze of delusion and experience deep and real peace. My favorite way of doing this has been through the practice of sitting in meditation.
Almost three years ago, I started gaining an understanding of meditation through the books I was drawn to, and I eventually began to sit. I’d sit for 5 minutes, then 10, then 15… eventually more. I’d open my eyes to peek at the clock, scratch my leg when it itched, and shift positions throughout. Now I never do those things. Not because they’re wrong, but because I realized that how I am in meditation reflects how I am in life. And I want meditation to help my life. At the same time, the more I meditate, the less separation I see between sitting on my cushion and walking to the store. It’s all the same.
Impulses are only impulses. They aren’t necessarily the truth, and following them isn’t always the way. When our arm starts itching, we think the reasonable next step is to scratch it. When someone says something we strongly disagree with, we get upset and want to tell them why they’re so wrong and will never be right. It can be helpful to watch closely when our immediate response is to control or to “stop” something or someone. Wanting to scratch an itch on our arm is one thing. But the unconscious and ego-centered way of living that motivates us to control someone else is completely disrespectful (to all of life) when you really think about it.
The more sustainable and peaceful way to exist is to, every single day, practice letting go of the need for control. To find ways to calmly be with discomfort. And I mean be with discomfort in a real way. Not in a “suppress it or vent about it or woo-sahh our way through it” kind of way. We don’t want to be ticking time bombs. We don’t want to half-way do the spiritual work of accepting and non-judgmentally witnessing discomfort. We want to find a way to really live that life and really exude that energy of peace and understanding. We want to experience discomfort with bravery, curiosity, and an understanding that everything is deeply temporary.
When I’m sitting in meditation and something itches or hurts, I don’t try to stop it. The sensation is never so excruciating that I really believe I’m going to die if I don’t get rid of it— even if my mind tries to convince me that that is the case. What seems to be the case isn’t always the case. I don’t scratch, and I don’t reposition myself to minimize the pain in my leg. Instead, I allow myself to get closer to the feeling by loosening my mind’s grip around the sensation and relaxing the tension in my body that surrounds the sensation. In doing this, I’m so close and intimate with the experience that I’m able to witness its arrival, its stay, and its inevitable departure. It’s not that I didn’t do anything about it. I did do something. But that something was subtle and quiet, quick and brave. It took more trust and wisdom than the habitual response would’ve. I preserved my energy, maintained a curious attitude, and life went on as it always does.
I didn’t have to get rid of the thing. The thing got rid of itself. If we watch closely, we notice that everything has the ability to gets rid of itself.
Have you ever experienced pain while holding on to something too tightly? It’s probably because you weren’t supposed to be holding on that tight; it’s unnatural. If you loosen your grip, it’ll be okay. Sometimes when I play guitar, I press my fingers down too tightly on the strings. Not only does it hurt, but it keeps me from playing well because the pain in my fingertips is so distracting. If I’m not careful, I can begin to think “Ugh, playing guitar hurts.” But that’s not the truth. The truth is that I’m not playing in a way that will help me. I’m pressing the string down too tight because I don’t yet have the understanding— through experience and right teaching— that I don’t actually have to press that hard. That by loosening my grip, I can trust that I’ll still be holding the strings down as much as I need to, and the sound of my playing can even be better than before. That by relaxing, I will gain. Have you ever held on to a circumstance or a person or a good feeling for as long as you possibly could regardless of what actually made sense? I have. It’s all the same.
This is about sustainability. All of this sounds simple, but it’s not easy in real-life situations. But we have to take the practice to real life. Over time, our faith will be strengthened as we gain proof from experience— the proof of pain, and the proof of suffering. And we’ll be able to see why we suffered when we did, and why we didn’t when we didn’t. From there, we can choose the higher way in everything.
I encourage you to meditate today. If you’ve never done it before, sit for 20 minutes. Don’t look at the clock, don’t focus on “clearing your mind,” and don’t scratch your leg when it itches. Don’t think about it too much. Stay awake and attentive, while relaxing your mind around the things it wants to stay stuck on. Become curious, and watch everything come and go. See the non-seriousness of the details of your experience. When you’re finished, stand up and carry that energy with you throughout the rest of your day. Allow that 20 minutes to help, and become, your life.